What is the deal with airline food?


man person face portrait
Zany Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I mean really?

Some context: About one quadrillion years ago, about when I was born, I was super hungry. So, I took a flight to another city because my city’s food was in short supply. I, being the genius I am, took an Economic Interdimensional Flight™ towards the great city called Great Food Yum City.

Woo Zoo wee zoo we mama!!! WAS THAT A MISTAKE!!!!

On the way over there, I was still super hungry despite the photosynthesis skills I picked up in special forces training. Yes, yes, I have heard the rumors about the terrible food, especially at Economic Interdimensional Flights™, but I could feel my internal systems lowering my body temperature, so I asked the flight attendant if the plane could spare some sun-rays to help me. Dead serious, she looked me in my eyes said,

“I got a pocket—got a pocket full of sunshine.”

My eyebrows raised in pleasant surprise.

“Really? Okay. How much for it?” I asked kindly.

“30 smackeroos,” she replied with her blank face and monotone voice.

My face contorted and my tone sharpened, “What in the name of Xenu, peace be upon him, is that? I mean really? 30 V-Bucks!” Her face did not move from its original, stoic position. “Fine, I guess!” I reluctantly gave her the swath of Roblox Tix she asked for to pay for the succulent (or so I thought) meal.

She then handed me nine infrared rays. In-fra-red waves. Let that sink in…

Without needing to be said: it is common knowledge among all cosmic beings that sun-rays, in any form, are UltraViolet. I have never been more furious, my anger was palpable; however, she already teleported outside the plane and became one with the Warp. My face was red as a tomato, veins popping out from my forehead, but no other flight attendants existed within the Temporal Plane Dimension #06.

I then closed my eyes and lowered my body temp to 0 Kelvin.

Now I’m here in Great Food Yum City! I can’t wait to have all this scrumptious food within my circumferential area! What a tzimmes I got out of!

I now live here.

Starlog out.

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